No, they're only coming to your school via WGN or ABC Family
Well, the news and publicity concerning the fake CNN news generator will be picking up in the next few days as the operators of the Web site and the tool used to create all those hoax pages issued a press release, which is sort of an apology for what they've done. I say sorta, because you could tell that they wanted to keep this up for a while but were stopped when everything hit the fan. Instead of those funny "Olsen twins go to (fill in name of college here)", it got to the near-libel/slander stage with accusations of people being child pornographers, etc.

On my end, I had to field a couple of phone calls concerning fake sports stories being generated, even though it's not anywhere close to looking like the pages on the work site. But try explaining that to someone not completely Web-savvy (or at least savvy to the stuff done internally), and, well, it becomes an exercise in futility. At that point, this whole adventure went from silliness (with reservations) to actual concern.

Now the site has message boards discussing this little slice of Internet history. Many of the posts are just talking about how these fake stories generated silly buzz around many college campuses. A bunch are explanations of the operators' actions, and if I don't agree with everything they say, their responses have been well thought-out and coherent. On the other hand, a couple of the regular posters have just reinforced my stereotypes of many message board folks -- lots of middle-school name-calling and ad hominem attacks that prove nothing. Plus, one of them used a handle that would probably make Charlie (and people of his ilk) cringe. These are the people that probably led to the quicker downfall of the site, and they probably don't even realize it.

And maybe that's the scary part of this little episode: With the Web, and especially the rise of blogs, just about anyone can post anything they want. While it has helped give many people a deserved voice in the public arena, it also gives as many people who don't deserve it.

Living the geek life
Scary to think that you replace debate with quiz bowl and you pretty much have this Onion gem. I guess the same could go with mock trial or Model UN. I take that back, I wish some I did more of the geek debauchery. Now that's a tad sad, eh?

This much is true
I guess the Brits are showing some taste and restraint by clamping down on celebrity boxing. However, the funniest part of this article is that the next fight was supposed to feature Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet. I guess that answers that question of "Where are they now?"

I think one word best describes the latest controversy in college basketball these days: Candygram.

Potvin still sucks
Well I've discovered that I'm very bad luck for NHL coaches. First, Montreal fires Michel Therrien a few days after I see the Thrashers blank the Canadiens in Bob Hartley's debut. Now, my formerly beloved Rangers get rid of Bryan Trottier after getting swept by the Thrashers.

I'm not sure what this says, other than losing to the Thrashers is dangerous to your job security. Then again, the team has played much better under Hartley, and there's actually some feeling of hope among the die-hard fans. Yes, they do exist. I've become acquainted with a group of them the past couple of games, and then there's Thrashheart -- a fan usually dressed up as Braveheart, complete with face paint. Then again, last night he had no face paint and with his beard and long hair, he just looks like a bunch of quiz bowlers I know.

Minute Maid Park, hello
Somehow, Larry King has gotten his way into writing a sports column on our site starting today. But to get you in the right frame of mind, you must read this Onion classic followed by these classic bits by Norm McDonald on SNL.

Hoax of the day
I suppose with the array of actors and other famous people who have come through the alma mater, a story like this might actually draw some legitimate interest, even though it's not for real. Then again, I blanch at the attention given to them across the board from all demographics.

Yo, statboy
While you've got to go through a bunch of hoops these days to read it, Salon has a great piece on the numbers game of protest marches. I've always wondered where the organizers of some of these events got their numbers of people attending their events, and many times they sound a lot like Dr. Evil (we had one million people). The mathematical formula used makes a lot of sense and reminds me of how people would use similar numbers to guess the number of jelly beans in a jar (and often be right). I'm surprised more people don't use it when estimating crowds at rallies, but then again just like everything else, the numbers game is political. Of course, if sports teams can fudge attendance numbers (and they have tools to measure the numbers precisely -- ticket stubs/turnstiles), why can't some group trying to prove everyone not in the Bush administration is against the war?

If I'm startin', I ain't departin'
As I keep on saying after the Pro Bowl selections are announced, don't whine if you didn't get in because you will eventually. You'd think Michael Vick was a long-time NFL veteran because he's skipping the game to have a bunion removed. That's the type of ailment you seen seven- or eight-time honorees get in order to skip the trip to Hawaii. A good thing about that move is that it finally gets Brad Johnson into the game. At least Priest Holmes had a good reason to pass, thanks to that injury that seems eerily similar to Bo Jackson's. I'm sure some of the other Super Bowl players will bow out soon, and I can almost see Jon Kitna being called in.

If the whole flag issue didn't already say a lot about the state of Georgia, the long-running crusade to exempt pick-up trucks from seat belt laws may finally end as long-time speaker of the house Tom Murphy was defeated last November. I suppose you could say he had his constituents in mind since he came from a rural area with plenty of trucks around, but the safety issue at stake here seems a lot more tangible than any smoking or drinking ordinances out there.

And to answer Brian's query, as it states in the article, SUVs are not part of this exemption. Then again, I doubt there were that many SUVs in Murphy's district. Speaking of SUVs, the Wall Street Journal had an entertaining essay the other day breaking down the sociology of SUVs, calling it a "civil war within the educated class" and comparing it to a war between geeks and jocks. I'm not a big fan of SUVs, or more accurately, I'm not interested in getting one. But I'm not sure I'm all for the crusade against them, especially the "moral fervor ... which has risen to the level of a liberal fatwa." I'm just more annoyed by how much space they can take up in the parking lot -- there used to be a guy living in my section of my apartment complex with a gigantic Escalade that seemed to overwhelm any car around it.

Desperation unknown
Well I guess it's something that I've discovered this guy's page before MTV follows him around for an upcoming special (no, not Cribs, thankfully). I suppose an actual application to date this guy (and is that really his name? Come on, now.) seems strange, but I'm not too sure on which end: The guy would seem to desperate for a date, but then again he's got a full list of qualifications and he seems to have dated some attractive women over time. On the other hand, you wonder what type of women would apply, either for real or as a joke, and if they send a photo, just exactly would they send? I suppose I'll just have to watch the special to find out.

The application itself is rather funny. The Ralph quotes are classic, and the description of a "Chicago girl" is a riot. I now have to think that over carefully based on who I knew and know from there.

It's a very creative, if very vain project, but more power to him if he can actually find some hotties out of the whole deal. Plus it's probably preferable to some of the dating stories already told on some of my friends' blogs or the whatever it is I call my social life.

No, Senator, you may not buy a vowel
Hmm, Fox News is ruling the cable news airwaves so I guess they can afford to give Pat Sajak a talk show? Then again, it may not be a bad choice given how much I guess he appeals to Middle America all these years. Then again, I thought his short-lived talk show wasn't all that bad, so what do I know?

I've recently had my share of getting lost en route to social engagements, but I don't think I've had anything as public as everyone's favorite police chief. No word if Boris or Natasha were seen in the vicinity, but there was a very agitated squirrel.

At the Googleplex ...
I'll give SI's Grant Wahl the credit for excessive hits on Googlism, a silly tool that pretty much digests Google results and turns them into some odd descriptions of your search terms. A lookup of my name pretty much turns up things I already knew existed on the Web. I'm afraid to see what might happen with other people, especially with those who might share the same name.

Mmm ... 24.2 pound cheeseburger. Something tells me it's probably a bit better than the $41 monstrosity that seems to shy away from the real definition of the term.

While the format was a bit screwy, Jim Caple hits some good points about the hypocrisy over criticizing baseball while giving a pass to football regarding start times and schedules.

However, for now the NFL has scheduled prime-time playoff games on Saturday nights, which probably doesn't have as much effect on the "children" watching the games. (Then again, many of the same critics want World Series weekend games to start during the afternoon, so it's all over the place.) But, things have been screwy recently with the timing of NFL playoff games. Most fans have now been trained on the 1 p.m./4 p.m. schedule for games during the season, so why change things for the playoffs? I guess appeasing the West Coast audience is good, and it makes things slightly easier had they're been two Pacific Time Zone teams hosting conference title games.

Fonts of misinformation
It's interesting what browser settings people working different sites use as their default for designing pages and other formatting issues. We've had debates in the past at work about how things looked on the site when the browser was shown on TV or on one of our bosses' computers (both had font sizes jacked up bigger than most people used). When things were close, we'd default to a pretty basic setting. However, they're a little bigger than what I'm used to using at home. Conversely, the layout, design, headline sizes, etc. on this site look perfect on my home laptop but are a bit goofy on my settings at work.

While those late night G.I. Joe cartoons are now off Cartoon Network, it's really cool to see Futurama repeats showing up on the network. At times, it was funnier than The Simpsons, although these early episodes showed how far the show had developed. However, I can't help but think Bender (must get one of those Bender toys) sounds eerily like Ron Santo.

Tick, tick, boom
I guess 24 is giving way to American Idol for a couple of weeks, but it's going away on a high note in the one of the more bewildering episodes I've seen in a while.

Some stuff was obvious. Who didn't see Sherry turning on President Cerrano? And of course, Jack's daughter was going to do something silly to get herself into more trouble, although she looked very hot doing so. Plus, they had to resolve the Jack-Nina hostage crisis quickly in order to move all the other plot elements along.

Some was out of left field. Annoying blonde bride was a killer and involved in the whole thing? What? I suppose some people could've seen it, maybe that stupidity and airheadedness was a great cover. Now the bizarro thing was the Michelle-Soul Patch "Hey, you wanna go out sometime" exchange. In the midst of a potential nuclear bomb, there is plenty of sexual tension in the air. Yeah, I guess so. Oh well, there was at least some realistic awkwardness in the whole exchange. Then again, I think we know what happens with interoffice romance at CTU.

It probably shouldn't have been too surprising that Willis McGahee went pro despite his injured knee. The only reason I'm surprised is that few people considered the possibility when he got hurt in the first place. The only person to say anything about it was Jason Whitlock, and it made plenty of sense at the time. The early money may not be there right away, but getting a third- or fourth-round contract, going on IR and getting proper treatment from pro trainers will mean something in the long run. The question is when a team is willing to make the move on a running back with a known knee injury. Much smaller injuries longer ago have killed some players' draft status in the past.

The headline to this profile of "The Bachelor," Version 1.0 is just too perfect. To think, Alex has become a star, made a bad choice in the finals and is now stuck doing promotional work for a site that Steve calls dumb/unhip.

One billion strong and growing
I guess it's only fitting that the overblown Shaq-Yao comments story would come out the day I actually see Yao in action. First off, I was stunned to see two diehard Hawks fans in the stands -- I didn't think they actually existed. However, one of them was sitting directly behind me and pretty much throwing out Asian slurs and other stuff of that ilk while ripping on Yao (fine, the Hawks kept him bottled up for the most part) as well as the large throngs of Asian fans that came out to the game (I didn't stick out as much usual) and make Philips Arena at least look a little less empty. I kept my mouth shut and didn't bother turning around -- no need to start up anything -- although my friend, who's Chinese-American considered doing something but figured better of it as well. I don't think it would've bothered me that much had the guy sounded like Shaq or a Sportscenter anchor -- just some cringing if it's a bad pun. I got a bit annoyed since the guy had that redneck voice that made things sound much worse than it probably should've been, like he's never seen Asian people before. Plus, he ripped a ref for having an Asian wife, what the hell is that about?

As for Shaq's comments, he was just trying to be funny, knowing the way he is. Sometimes he hits, sometimes he misses. No big deal. Sometimes I wonder if some Asians now are trying a bit too hard in protesting anything that may joke about the people or culture, trying to make up for all the lack of action of years ago. African-Americans and other minorities sometimes lots of pressure over racist depictions and undertones, and Asians hadn't for a long time, so this is the time to strike back (like the AsianWeek reporter). I usually don't mind the joking and silly stuff like that (ex. Abercrombie and Fitch). Oddly enough for me, I'm more troubled when the uneducated keep using the slurs (much like the guy at the Hawks game) as opposed to the learned and powerful, working on the assumption that the elite have others around them to tell them when they're wrong and seem genuine (think Trent Lott, I guess). The others won't really learn, don't intend to, and could cause trouble to those trying to change ways or just point things out.

Oh yeah, while Yao didn't play well, I got the biggest kick out of his getting a technical after doing some trash talking following a big dunk. Although this happened one play after Theo Ratliff rattled everyone with a crazy dunk off a missed shot.

Here's your Hall pass
Tim does a good job in breaking down the Baseball Hall of Fame voting. I'm with Tim in that I don't have a problem with the "first ballot" factor. The writers who select the Hall are a tough sell, and you've got to really wow them to get in right away. That's why you've got 15 years -- gives time for people to reflect on their careers, etc. Sometimes it helps (like Gary Carter), other times it doesn't (think of all the pitchers now passing Bert Blyleven on the all-time strikeout list).

Ryne Sandberg was one of my favorite baseball players growing up behind Don Mattingly (who I'd vote for, but know he probably doesn't belong in the Hall), but I think he sullied his candidacy when he returned from retirement. He got the all-time record for homers by a second baseman in his second tour of duty, but he was so mediocre in the mid-'90s that some voters have that lasting image of him flailing away. I saw too many substandard Sandberg games at Wrigley when I was in college that at times it was painful (even more than normal for a Cubs game). He's got too many other good credentials, though, that he'll get in eventually. Maybe next year or 2005. BTW, if you're a very good but not all-time great player, ending poorly will do a number on your Hall of Fame chances. That's what's hurting Dale Murphy, who couldn't get to 400 homers despite a short stint in Colorado. If you're going to fail miserably trying to extend your career, you'd better have sealed up your Hall pass a long time ago like Mays or Steve Carlton.

Eddie Murray helped himself with his longevity and consistency. It's still hard to believe he's in the same class as Hank Aaron and Willie Mays with 3,000 hits and 500 homers. If he doesn't reach those milestones, he's in the same boat as Andre Dawson. The milestone factor is what will get Paul Molitor into Cooperstown next year. As for Gary Carter, it's about time he got in considering he was about as good as Fisk except that he didn't have the arm-waving thing in '75 (although he makes up for that by actually winning a World Series) or that games-played record (woo-woo). While he became very well known after joining the Mets, I'd like to see Carter with an Expos cap on his plaque.

Speaking of caps on the plaque, Lee Smith may eventually get in, but probably after Dennis Eckersley does. For better or worse, Eckersley revolutionized the closer position and will be rewarded thusly. With his prior career as a starter, Eckersley will be the baseball equivalent of George Blanda. Then I guess Smith would be Jan Stenerud. The question is which cap would Smith would wear, given that he pitched for nearly as many teams as Mike Morgan. Put the blank cap on him, like Catfish Hunter has on his plaque. Problem solved. (Or maybe sell the rights to Rolaids? Nah.) I'm still perplexed as to why Bruce Sutter got more votes than Goose Gossage, though. Maybe the "hanging on too long at the end" also played a part. Sutter fizzled quickly at the end, Gossage seemed to pitch for everyone in the late '80s.

A number of people tout Alan Trammell for the Hall of Fame when Ozzie Smith got in. I don't see it. The numbers are very good, but for the most part, he's being compared to the least common denominator in terms of players already in. A couple of things hurt his candidacy: He got overshadowed by Cal Ripken. He wasn't played off him like ARod-Nomar-Jeter (and now Tejada), instead he was touted part of a pair with Lou Whitaker. And when Whitaker retired one year before Trammell, that screwed them both. I could see this coming from a mile away when Whitaker called it quits. Voters had to think of them separately, not as a pair. While it might've taken them a few years, they might've slowly gained support with people voting for them both at the same time. Instead, Whitaker was off the ballot in one year and Trammell is lingering on the fringes now.

Another favorite part of the Hall process is reading the back half of the voting, and which players got token votes. Craig hit it on the head as to why I think Danny Tartabull got a vote -- it was for his Seinfeld appearance. Whoever voted for him probably also voted for Keith Hernandez ("I'm Keith Hernandez."). Who in the world voted for Mark Davis? I guess the Darren Daulton voter also voted for Lenny Dykstra (but decided against honoring Mitch Williams). And no offense to Darryl Kile, at least he got a few nice pity votes at the end, but we won't have to argue his candidacy in the future (like there was one).

The upcoming classes don't look as good until 2007, which means players like Sandberg and Smith should find their way in pretty soon. However, it will be just a funny to see if anyone decides to vote for Tom Pagnozzi, Jimmy Key (What is he? 45? I can hit him), Jeff King or Stan Javier in future years. Albert Belle probably won't get in, but it will intriguing to see his vote totals.
Very early guesses for upcoming elections:
2004: Sandberg, Eckersley, Molitor
2005: Smith, Boggs
2006: Dawson, Pete Rose (he gets reinstated soon but doesn't get the honor of a first-ballot vote)
2007: McGwire, Gwynn, Ripken

Food, gruesome food
Yes, the majority of Americans are overweight, and we're not in good shape, and we need to exercise and lose weight. And we know it's not just for vanity but for our health. We all accept that and try our best to better ourselves -- some better than others. We also know there are plenty of different ways to achieve those goals, although some advocate one way or another that's better. However, you know this whole health/weight crisis is in deep trouble when the fruits/vegetables lobby is fighting the dairy lobby over stealing ad ideas and advocating they're the best. What's next, the tobacco companies and the gunmakers fighting over which kills more people?

You suck, too
Hey, I'm talking about real current events, sorta. Check out this list -- equal-opportunity cruelty.

22,000 big ones
More adventures in late night TV: Thank goodness for Nick at Nite, as I stumbled across it at the best time for one of my favorite Cheers episodes. However, Alyson brought up an interesting point that any episode where Alex Trebek appears as himself is usually a bad one since it's very gimmicky -- and that pity speech to Cliff at the end was a bit cheesy, if funny. "He scares me."

Plenty of great seats available
It was good seeing the Nets win their 10th straight, but you have to wonder how bad it is attendance wise when I can walk up five minutes before the game and get a 10th row seat at midcourt. I had almost as good seats as this guy, who got the biggest ovation the entire game.

Black and white issues
Tim Rutten brings up an interesting point about the lack of coverage about the successes of African-Americans in all fields -- government, business, sports, entertainment. As part of an organization that encourages increased coverage of a minority group, I can definitely see the frustration in not seeing them covered.

However, I would argue that the media did a good job of hyping the fact that African-Americans won both Best Actor and Actress Oscars. Regarding Tiger Woods, I think those stories have been done to death, and even Eldrick himself likes to use the Cablinasian term instead of identifying with any one race. Of course, his canoodling with the latest blonde du jour doesn't help things. The Williams sisters have so dominated tennis for a couple of years now that the race thing hardly seems significant anymore.

Now with folks like Condolezza Rice, Colin Powell and Richard Parsons, it's harder to figure out why the coverage isn't there. Saying the achievements are "ordinary" seems wrong. It's just that those achievements are harder to sound important without sounding condescending yet still being relevant to African Americans. Unfortunately, for many African-Americans, the road to success (at least as projected in the mainstream) is via sports or entertainment. However, there are plenty of ways to success, especially in the government and big business.

And maybe one other reason these achievements don't get as much publicity is that it goes against the politics of many of the more well-known and vocal African-American leaders (read: Democrat). There was already that hubbub with Harry Belafonte and "Uncle Tom" Powell. And think about all the abuse Clarence Thomas gets. Big business leans conservative as well, despite the politics of the individuals. Sometimes people get accused of becoming "less black" when they hit the big time in business, politics, whatever. It's as if to be considered a "successful" African-American, you've got to sound or look like Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson (in politics) or otherwise be a big sports/entertainment star. If you don't make noise or draw attention to yourself for your race, it can be overlooked. And that's a bad thing in so many ways.

Car song
Slate finally caught up with me on the review of the new VW convertible ad. It pretty much hit what I had to say before, just done a little better. Plus, I like his point about bringing back ELO, although the Gap did the same type of unhip-it's-hip thing with the music.

Ho, ho, hosed
It's nice to see someone call out the media on those Christmas shopping stories. Granted, I didn't buy much this year, but there are reasons for that other than the economy. Still, when local TV and radio stations do traffic reports at the parking lots at local malls, you've got to wonder who those people are and if they're spending.

Chips off the old block
I guess I'll see this classic on ESPN Classic next week after missing all of it because I ended up seeing Cabaret on Broadway (a true "Remember the '80s" flashback with Molly Ringwald and Neil Patrick Harris starring), although it was nice of the NJ Transit conductor to tell us the score as the game ended. What that game did, though, is put me at 1-6 in picking Big Ten bowl games in my main football pool, and given their stellar record this time around, shows exactly how off I was. Damn me for living in the South and having all those SEC people say their conference is the best. At cheating, maybe.

I'm surprised the Big Ten did so well, although most of the teams were glad to be in their bowl games while most of their opponents, save Miami in the title game, necessarily weren't (read Arkansas, Colorado, Florida).

By the way, am I the only who thinks the spreading out of the BCS bowls is a bad idea. New Year's Day used to be all about the bowl games, especially some of the long-standing traditional ones like the Rose and Cotton. The Jan. 2 national title game was fine to make it more distinctive -- a capper to all the bowl games.

Now, the Jan. 3 or even Jan. 4 game is just tiresome -- people are back at work, the rush of all the bowl games is over, you want to have a life other than college football. The Jan. 2 game is even more meaningless since it's just a placeholder game for the most part to spread things out. You know the other bowl games don't mean squat, but at least they're all part of the fabric of "bowl week." Other than seeing the battle of the Heisman Trophy vote-getters, what was the real appeal of USC-Iowa the day between all the bowls and the national title game in the grand scheme of things? I missed most of that game too since I had other plans (after keeping most of New Year's Day open to watch the bowl games).

Oh, the crap you'll find
I hadn't done a Google search of myself in a while, so I suppose I should be pleasantly surprised with the amount of stuff that came up this time around. Most of it was the usual stuff I'd see based on what I do at work (although not as many of my regular columns showing up as I'd thought) and in my free time. But I was curious when I stumbled across this link citing me for some story I don't think I've ever written -- especially since it concerns that other football.